Internlog

Almost regardless of whether or not this weekend’s announcement of new restrictions comes as a surprise or with a tinge of relief, it’s probably true of most that we are not looking forward to a lockdown in the winter months. The prospect of that previously much-coveted daily exercise loses its appeal when outside is dark, wet and icy. Walks with that one person from a different household quickly become a challenge on those lovely Durham winter days where the wind is so strong you can barely hear yourself think, let alone another person speak.

Therefore it’s inevitable that this version of lockdown will involve a lot of waiting: whether that’s waiting to see if things are better in a month’s time; if we can have Christmas with family from across the country or globe; or if we can see friends and family who may currently be taking extra safety precautions. Each of these scenarios presents its own unique challenges but all involve waiting – so what wisdom does the Bible have to offer on how we should wait, and more importantly what we are waiting for?

The Psalms are full of wisdom on the topic of waiting and how we can do it well. We are reminded to wait expectantly and with hope (Psalm 5:3) but also patiently in God’s presence without turning to anger (Psalm 37). Reading different Psalms offering depending on personal circumstances can help us in this season regardless of how varied our lives might look.

James writes about patience through times of suffering. This reminds us that we persevere and hold on because we know the ultimate hope we have in Jesus and his return is far greater than any situation the world could throw at us. This isn’t here to minimise our suffering but to encourage us to look forward with hope to an eternity where we won’t have to endure the things that currently burden us.

Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:7-8 (emphasis added)

This week I walked to Penshaw Monument. From the top I could see Durham Cathedral, which normally dominates the skyline, as only a small square in the distance. This made me consider my perspectives on my Christian journey and how far I’ve travelled since I first started walking with God.

At the beginning of my journey the presence of God dominated everything I did and was a constant certainty of my life, and I thought this compared to the way everywhere in Durham is overlooked by the cathedral, but I noticed that very soon after I left the city and entered  the dales I lost sight of it and honestly couldn’t see very far and felt somewhat lost, with only my OS map to guide me.

Honestly, the spiritual walk often feels like this to me, as I lose sight of God and find that I only have memories of God, and that my journey continues with nothing to guide me but the map (is it acceptable to compare this to the Bible?).

I had been led to believe that on reaching Penshaw Hill there would be a really good view of Durham and the cathedral, but when I got up there I found that I could only really see the cathedral as a small square on the horizon, but there was so much more to it than that.

I think this compares to the spiritual life. After we have been blessed with a fantastic experience of God’s power, we can often feel like we’ve lost sight of him and are walking in the dark. As we climb spiritual peaks looking for the same view of God that we had before, we find that it’s disappointing, and never quite what we are looking for. God is more than a cathedral. From the monument I could see far across the landscape to all kinds of interesting places and opportunities, that I’d never have seen if I remained in Durham. I found this to be a good reminder that as we walk with God it won’t always be easy, we may sometimes feel abandoned and we may not find exactly what we’re seeking, but God is always there alongside us and ultimately even if we don’t find what we expect, that is only because God exceeds all of our expectations.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  (Romans 8.38-39)

It is safe to say that the last few weeks in and around Kings have been dominated by making face-to-face church gatherings a reality. Thankfully, none of the serious side of this complex task has been left up to the new Intern team (phew!), but it has been a huge effort from many people to get the correct documents in place, the tech sorted and the COVID-19 protocols written and followed. The number of hours of work and consideration that have already gone into this has been huge, and we have had to adapt with alarming speed to changing situations and restrictions.

There was a point at the start of all this chaos where it felt obvious that church would carry on as it always had come the new academic year; that services would be in person, singing gathered and post-service coffee conversations suitably awkward. There is a certain reassurance in everything carrying on in their previous imperfect but well-worn ways, and to step into new patterns of doing things will always feel strange and daunting. For myself, the ability to meet in person, even without singing praise together or chatting, is a huge encouragement and I am immensely grateful for all that the staff have done to make this possible.

I tried last week to think through how to explain the value of meeting together in person, to someone who does not go to church. What about the experience was so uplifting, or different to meeting online as we have over the summer? Why am I drawn again to wearing my mask, maintaining social distance when I would rather not, and welcoming people who are similarly apprehensive?

Whilst thinking, I was reminded of a quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer in his book on Christian community, Life Together:

The Christ in his own heart is weaker than the Christ in the word of his brother; his own heart is uncertain, his brother’s is sure.

I think this is the true value of meeting together, that we can encourage and affirm one another better than we can do so on our own. Even when we worship silently, or with clapping and humming rather than with words, we are more able to speak the truth of our relationship with Jesus when gathered than alone.

A few days ago, probably triggered by all the craziness around COVID and Brexit, I was hit by the reality that I live in a foreign country. After four years of living in Durham, on most days I don’t feel like a stranger anymore or like I don’t belong. But every now and then I realise that I might always feel a bit different from the people around me and that there are still things about the UK that I can observe and study without really understanding them beyond a surface level.

Sometimes, I end up wondering why I am even here and why after a challenging first year I started to feel so at home in Durham that I felt happy to stay for a Master’s and now for the Kings Internship. The more I think about this, the more I believe the reason is that I know I have family in the Church here – within Kings and the wider Christian community in Durham. I have often been able to experience the joys of this family through great friendships, worshipping together on a Sunday (especially in pre-COVID times), random deep and meaningful conversations with people I barely knew, or surprising acts of hospitality. But I have also had my days of feeling lonely, hurt, or disappointed in the Church. Over the last few years, I have been able to grasp more fully the reality that, as followers of Jesus, we are family – not because being part of this family always feels amazing, comfortable and fun but because we are all adopted into his family by God the father and Jesus calls us his brothers and sisters.

The fact that, during lockdown with my biological family in Germany, we would often get frustrated with each other or have our misunderstandings did not make me question whether we were really family. But we had to work hard, listen well to each other, and have grace with one another to make life together work. Being part of God’s family might not always be that different and it is an encouragement to know that when family is difficult, we can fix our eyes on the One who unites us in the first place.

“So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are citizens with the saints and also members of the household of God, built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the cornerstone” Ephesians 2.19-20

These past few weeks have been a blur of introductory sessions to every area of church life you could possibly think of plus the added bonus of training for the times we currently find ourselves in. As we arrived as an Intern team at the Appleby Rooms on 2 September we had no idea what the next week would hold, let alone the next year. Full of hopes and excitement for the year but also nervousness regarding possible impacts of restrictions on various aspects of the internship, we have been so blessed to be able to mainly be meeting in person so far. As a team we have got to know one another by hearing each other’s testimonies, cooking pancakes on top of Roseberry Topping and doing a photo challenge across Durham set for us by Stephen.

However, it hasn’t all been simple. From the introduction of the rule of six to a brand new ‘local lockdown but not local lockdown’, constantly adapting to changing rules whilst trying to also adapt to my placements and studying theology (after four years of doing a science degree I honestly don’t know what a book is…) has been challenging at times. Despite and possibly even because of this large amount of change in such a short amount of time I have been continually struck by God’s unchanging nature and faithfulness. This has been such an encouragement that regardless of what the rest of the year looks like for us individually and as an Intern team, God works powerfully despite our restrictions.

So, in times which feel chaotic and constantly shifting I am thankful that we have a God who is the same God both today and for eternity.

It’s been a funny old week!  As the world looks very different and we learn to have fellowship at a distance, I pray that you can find a safe new ‘normal’ for now and that this will be an opportunity for us all to press into God.

As we are all huddled in our homes and keeping our distance, feelings of being alone are never far away.  I’ve been finding comfort in the Psalms and worship songs that draw on the truths of God being our strength, refuge and place of safety.  This song in particular has been helping me lift my eyes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_Spi6YzQ20 I hope you can find it helpful too.  I’ve dedicated the rest of this week’s Internlog to the youngest members of our church community.  Please feel free to use any of the activities I have suggested for them in your own prayer life!

Hey Kids!

I thought I’d include a section especially for you guys this week, I hope you’re all finding ways to have fun and be creative at home.  It’s very normal to feel a bit worried at the moment, as there has been lots of change. God is always there to listen to our worries and we can ask for his help by talking to him in prayer.  We can pray for our friends, our families, our schools, our churches and even everyone in the whole world! I’ve included some suggestions below of things you might like to try 🙂

Prayer activities:

•  Find a map of the world (you might need to ask a grownup to help you find one) and point to a country.  This can be extra fun if you close your eyes and point, then you don’t know which country you will end up with!  Ask God to be with the people that live there and look after them. You could also draw a picture of each country’s flag every time you do this and hang it on some string, then you can look back and see how many different countries you’ve prayed for!
• If you’re feeling sad or worried try to draw a picture or write a list of things that you’re sad or worried about then talk to your grown up and ask if they will pray with you about these things.  If you can, imagine giving your picture to God to look after all your worries for you.
• Find a notebook (or fold some papers together and make one) and write down things that make you feel happy or thankful everyday.  At the end of the day say thank you to God for these things.

Challenges:

•  Make a rainbow to stick up in your window.  Lots of people are doing this so that when other children go for walks they can count how many rainbows they see.  As Christians we know that the rainbow is a sign of God’s faithfulness and promises so it’s a very special thing to do!
• Make up a dance to this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCC9fGnHH4I and put on a show for your grownups (or housemates)!

Image © Judith Cooper 2005, used with permission.